The TSA screeners are now being trained to recognize secret terroristy facial expressions so that they can send anyone who makes these facial expressions for extra screening.

TSA officials will not reveal specific behaviors identified by the program -- called SPOT (Screening Passengers by Observation Technique) -- that are considered indicators of possible terrorist intent.

But a central task is to recognize microfacial expressions -- a flash of feelings that in a fraction of a second reflects emotions such as fear, anger, surprise or contempt, said Carl Maccario, who helped start the program for TSA.

"In the SPOT program, we have a conversation with (passengers) and we ask them about their trip," said Maccario from his office in Boston. "When someone lies or tries to be deceptive, ... there are behavior cues that show it. ... A brief flash of fear."

Thanks to some clever spy work, I managed to obtain a secret page from the TSA screener training manual. Here it is:

	Expression	Odds of being a terrorist
	Neutral expression	High! No one going through airport security these days can maintain a neutral facial expression and be innocent. If he doesn't look guilty, he's clearly a terrorist.
	Sad. Perhaps you just informed him that his expensive wine is a security threat and took it from him. Perhaps you just killed his puppy.	High! He might be sad because he's about to embark on a suicide mission. Beware!
	Surprised. Did you just inform him that he's going to be back-roomed for a drive-by prostate exam?	High! Why would he fear you putting on latex gloves and asking him to turn around unless he had something to hide?
	Shifty eyed.	Medium.
	Dead. Possibly inside a coffin.	High! He could be a zombie. And if modern cinema has taught us anything, it's that zombies want to eat our brains. What is this if not a form of terrorism?

Got all that? Think that you've now got what it takes to join the exciting team as an airport security agent? Try your hand at this game and see if you can protect the skies from lethal objects that could destroy us all. Like water bottles.

The TSA recently released some videos to help you understand the new safety measures. But here was the awesome part, if you scroll down the page, you'll see the following list of videos:

Specifically, notice how they have two separate videos for Female business traveler and Male business traveler. You may wonder how the TSA policies differ for each of these types of travelers. That's a valid question, astute reader! Let's watch the two videos and find out:

Female Business Traveler (wmv, 3Mb)
Male Business Traveler (wmv, 3Mb)

Go on. Click those two links and watch the videos. I can wait.

Okay, so what's the difference? The female business traveler takes her toiletries out from her purse and puts it into a bin. The male business traveler removes his "liquids" from his "carry-on bag".... and then they explain to the male business traveler what to do with his laptop! (And, for some reason, his shoes. I don't know why they think that women don't wear shoes.)

Awesome. Well done, TSA. Well done.